conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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