I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
