is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
