when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
