Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
