So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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