Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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