We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
