Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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