census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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