I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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