If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
