am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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