I think my vagina is haunted
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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