The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
