hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
