Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
