Girls should come with a carfax report
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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