So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
