I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
