the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my liver is dry heaving
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
