How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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