So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
