I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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