my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
