Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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