yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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