Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's like heaven, but drunker
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
