Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
