He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
