I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
