I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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