I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
