There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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