if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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