Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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