I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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