Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
