This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
