Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
