Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
