how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
