am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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