Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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