Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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