sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
