So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
