that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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