So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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