its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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