Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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