Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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