Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
