Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely

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(507): View more from Minnesota

How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

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(804): View more from Virginia

I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.

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(248): View more from Michigan

He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.

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(315): View more from New York

That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers

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