it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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