you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
