they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
