I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
