just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize