So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
