in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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