I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
